Friday, April 1, 2016

Tears in April


I took a walk last night and found a bench overlooking a pond near my apartment. 
With classical music streaming on my phone, I decided to take a seat, enjoy the light breeze and contemplate life, (and the realization that April is here and I haven't finished my taxes). 
It wasn't long before the worries flooding my mind were replaced with thoughts of my first love, Jonathan Monis. 
Jon (who I called "Mo"), died six Aprils ago... on the 13th. 
We were in college. 
I'll never forget that day, when my brother called and told me the news. 
Thoughts of Jon opened the door to memories of my dear Giulia, another friend who made the trip to heaven when we were just 15 years old. 
I started thinking about what they'd be like if they were still here. 
Would Giulia be a veterinarian like her dad? What about Mo? Would he have straightened out and got a big job in finance? 
The tears started...  
That empty space tucked deep in my heart was exposed again. 
I saw Giulia's face, her beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes,  remembered our talks on the swing set, our battles with head lice in elementary school, the excitement of playing pranks on our first crushes. 
Then I heard Jon's voice..his jokes... how he would literally make me PEE MY PANTS from laughing so hard.
I don't think I'll ever meet anyone as funny as him.
I remembered our first kiss...it was on a bench near my parents house, under the stars.

I started talking to them, praying...whatever you want to call it. 
Believing they could hear me brought peace to my heart. 
I told them I loved them. 
I then wiped the tears and headed back home.

Tonight I'm writing this on my phone, sitting inside Whole Foods waiting for the rain to stop. 
My friend Michelle is visiting this weekend and I only have almond milk in my refrigerator.

I was just sitting next to a beautiful young girl.
She was probably 17, pretty blonde hair and I complimented her on her flip flops. 
She told me she got them in Greece while on vacation. 
"I was there for two months this past summer" I quickly replied. 
We then started sharing stories, and before she left she complimented me on my hair (I just got it cut so the rats nest is tame). 
She reached for my hand and asked for my name. 
"Kristin," I said with a smile- so impressed with her maturity and kind heart. 
"Julia" she replied. 
"That was my best friends name...she passed away when we were young," I told her. 
Julia compassionately said she was sorry, and then with a big smile said, 
"Maybe Giulia is coming back and she says she likes your hair!"
My eyes welled up with tears. 
The happy kind.